Phor Opens Up About His Depression | Black Ink Crew: ChicagoArticles
– [cricket chirping] – CHARMAINE: Phor? – [knocking at door]
– PHOR: [crying] – Phor? – PHOR: I feel so alone. – Phor? – PHOR: [crying] – Come out. – CHARMAINE: Phor. Phor, stop. Don’t cry, Phor. It’s okay. – What up?
– Hey. – ♪ – I love you.
– CHARMAINE: I love you, Phor. – PHOR: You don’t understand
what I’m going through. I’m just feeling
better off dead. Feeling less, you know,
not valuing myself, not seeing myself
how other people see me. I’m not appreciating life
enough, you know? These are not thoughts
I wanna have. – I think the first time
I was really clued in that Phor was dealing with something
was…when he started promoting his latest song,
“Help.” When I first saw the photo of
Phor with the noose around his neck,
I instantly freaked out. I felt like it was definitely
a cry for help. I didn’t know how to talk to him
about it or bring it up. I’m like, “Okay, well, you’re
here, and you seem well, “so maybe you’re just promoting
your song, you know, maybe it’s not a big deal.” – PHOR: I’m just lost. And, you know, but this–it’s
been something I’ve been going through most of my life,
honestly. I just feel like
I’m better long gone. I’m better off gone. I think I–I’d be more valued,
I’d be more respected if I wasn’t–
– CHARMAINE: Stop, Phor. Stop saying that.
That’s not true. – RYAN: Get up. – ♪ – RYAN: I said get out, please.
– Get out? – RYAN: Now.
– Excuse me. – ♪ – RYAN: Thank you. – ♪ – [knocking on door] – CHARMAINE: Van? Van? – VAN: [moaning] – CHARMAINE: Wake up. I know it’s been a crazy day,
but look–can you hear me? Van?
– Yeah, I can hear you. – Phor talking about crazy
[bleep] like–[sighs]– feeling like he not valuable
enough to be on this Earth and having suicidal thoughts. Ryan’s having a conversation
with him right now. I stepped out the room.
I wanted to come talk tell you. Yes, we need
to go back in there. – RYAN: I ain’t going nowhere
for you, bro! Nowhere! This [bleep] be hard, [bleep]
but you ain’t gotta do it on your mother [bleep] own. My [bleep] I got this bitch
’cause they can’t. You hear me? Every goddamn day,
because they can’t, ’cause [bleep] ain’t telling ’em
to their face [bleep] I love you, my [bleep]. You the [bleep]. You worth something.
You valuable. I tell my kids every goddamn
day, man, you successful. Go be more successful,
do what you gotta do. And if [bleep] tell you
as a grown-ass man, [bleep] I do it as my brother. I ain’t got no [bleep] brothers. I accepted you as mine
a long time [bleep] ago. You hear me?
– PHOR: I hear you, bro. – RYAN: Alright. I’ll tell you
the same [bleep] tomorrow. I couldn’t be more to you
[bleep] if you ain’t already get into me, you hear me?
That’s it. – ♪ – That’s it. Big brother mean big brother,
goddamn it. – Right.
– I took that [bleep] on a long [bleep] time ago, boy, I ain’t
playing with you about nothing. – Right, absolutely. – Don’t play with me about
that, man. – I got you, bro.
– [bleep] you hear me? – I love you [bleep].
– I love you, too, baby. – I’m gonna be alright. I’m gonna get it up. – I know Phor better and longer
than a lot of people that’s around us, so this ain’t
our first conversation. This ain’t the first time
we done been through this. You tell me you’re lonely, I
ain’t gonna leave you alone. You tell me you wanna do
something to yourself or, you know, potentially check out,
that ain’t nothing I’m gonna just let happen. You gonna see how much
I love you and care about you, even if it’s through some pain. – Alright, man. – What’s up, bro? – ♪ – VAN: I didn’t really know
that he was battling a serious mental issue. I knew that I was definitely not
gonna leave his side. Like whatever he was going
through, those became my problems. You got–you got me,
you got Ryan. You got Charmaine. You got–everybody
got your back, bro. We wanna see you in a better
space, a better mental space. – I can’t help but–you know
what my goal was today? – CHARMAINE: What? – To drown in the pool. – ♪ – VAN: To hear
what you’re saying to me, bro, is [bleep] breaking my heart,
man. Whatever you going through,
Phor… if we can’t help you, bro, you don’t think you need
some professional help, bro? – ♪ – Don’t–don’t give him
the option of not getting help. He needs to get help. – PHOR: I just wanna
go to sleep. That’s it.
– Phor… Let’s get some rest then.
I ain’t going nowhere, [bleep]. I got the foot of the bed. And that’s that, you know what
I’m saying? Like– – And in the morning,
he’s going to have another conversation with that,
so we’re gonna get him help. – That’s fine, too. Just let me–you know
what I’m saying? Let the [bleep] get some sleep.
That’s what he want. – You’re gonna stay in here
with him, Van? – Yes. Yes, I’m here. – ♪ – Alright, well, I’m gonna let
y’all get sleep then. And I will talk to you guys
in the morning, okay? – Alright. Peace. – Love you, Phor. – Thanks, Van. – ♪ – [sighs] – ♪ – Still here, bro.
Written by Valentin Lakin
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